Category: Parent Talk
Hi all!
I have an 18-month-old daughter who is at that age where she gets in to absolutely everything! I just moved on July 13 from my one bedroom apartment where it was just me and my daughter into a two-bedroom in which it is me, my daughter, my friend, and my friend's cat. I have tried to put gates up to keep my 18-month-old daughter out of things like the cat food, litter pan, my friend's bookshelf (which is right within her reach), and other things. Although my friend will not have the gates up because she wants the cat to move around freely, she gets upset when the baby gets into her books or the cat food or anything else that is hers that the baby gets into or breaks. We are both blind, but she has a little sight and i have none. She is always telling me I should put bells on her to prevent her from getting into those things in which she is not supposed to get into, but I feel that I am pretty good at hearing her myself, and I feel that my friend should allow me to put up gates if she does not want the baby in her things or the cat's things. I told her that the cat can meow when she wants to get in or out of the gate and we can open it for her, but she still doesn't want the gates up. I even tried to put one up but she only let it stay for about 15 minutes before taking it down saying the cat is too stressed and might get sick again like she got before a few months ago.
I would like to know if anyone has suggestions that I could do to make this situation better? I am feeling very frustrated because I get tired of my friend always complaining about the baby getting into her things, yet she will not let me put the gates up. I specifically bought the gates for this apartment because I did not need them in my other apartment because it was more baby friendly, and now I have to throw them out after I spent money on them because she won't let me put them up because the cqat cannot get through them by herself. It is like a vicious cycle, and it is stressing me out because I am always having to get after the baby because there is nothing to prevent her from getting into things. I cannot leave because I have signed an 18 month lease with my friend, so I will have to come up with something that I can do. Should I just put bells on the baby or put alarms on the things to make sure the baby does not go near them, or should I do something else?
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Misty
get your freind to keep her stuff in her room, the cat's stuff etc, then put a gate on the kitchen and be done with it. btw why did you not consider these things before moving in? woudln't a little forward planning have been in order here?
yes I planned to put up the gates and all would have been well, and my friend said it was fine until I actually put the gates up, and then she had a problem with it. She keeps her bookshelf and stuff out here in the living room because she says it will not fit in her room. I thought I had everything planned out and she said the gate thing was fine, but she took them down 15 minutes after I had put them up because of the cat. She would not let me keep them up even though I had told her I was going to buy gates and put them up even before I moved in, and then all of a sudden she does not want them up, and the baby can still get into her room because she says she can't keep the door closed because of the cat and the cat food being in their, and the litter pan is next to the kitchen by the bookshelf because she says it does not fit in her room. Therefore, she wants the door to her room to be open without a gate or anything, and then she fusses when the baby comes in.
I tried to plan beforehand as you said I should have done, and I thought we had all of this worked out and agreed upon before we moved in, but apparently things are not going according to plan. I thought she would let me put gates up, but then after we moved in and I put them up she changed her mind on me.
I hope this explains further.
Thanks
Misty
hi. sounds like a barrel of worms that you have there. can't help really, as going back on one's word is a shit, and only if it was put down in formal agreements in writing before you moved in, what was, and was not allowed, would you have any legal redress at all. i think this is just something you'll have to work out yourselves, or, move on from that situation.
And that, is why I don't live with people anymore. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've never really thought much about bells on kids, but it might not be a bad idea in this situation, although I still think the gates should stay up regardless. I'm sorry, but a baby takes priority over a pet. Do you think it would do any good to talk to your landlord about it?
Becky
um I have a 23 month old son named Kei'Shon and I remember when he was 18 months. So I feel u your friend needs 2 allow u 2 put up gates if she doesnt want your daughter messing with her stuff!! thats just common sence. She doesn seem like she wants to addapt to a baby. IM sorry, if se cant addapt to what u have 2 do to keep your aby safe!!!! then oher decitions need2 b made like moving etc. U ever know if the cat has throw up in the fooand then your daugher ets of holdof itand becomes sick or anything! your baby safety is more important than a cat. tel her this is yor apartment to and u have just as much rights to protect your child as she does of her cat!!
Even if u tried the bells i dont think it would solve the problem. Babies love to explore, be curious. Al least a gate around the cats stuff should be ok. Wuts so hard about pickin up books?? U as a mother doin good by keepin ur baby safe. I hope this situation gets solved, good luck.
There is a place on the internet where they sell squeaky shoes. You could possibly look in to geting a pair of those for your daughter. That actually sounds like a better idea than the bells, to be honest.
1. Your friend is not your friend. A friend would not wine about her cat being stressed when your baby's safety is in question because of her refusal to let you put up gates. 2. You need to move if this woman is not keeping your child's best interests at heart. You don't need a woman like that in your home or your life. She could just as easily leave medications out, a raiser blade, a cell phone charger plugged into the wall but not into the phone, etc. You must either find a way to legally get out of the lease, and believe me no judge will take the part of a cat over that of a child, or force her to move out and find a new room-mate. 3. You can put a baby gate a little bit off the floor, enough that the baby can not fit under it, but the cat can. That is how we used to have our cats upstairs. We took one of our closets and put the litter box in the closet on newspaper with a sort of a shield of cardboard that we fassioned from broken down boxes around it so that litter wouldn't be kicked into the room and then we put a baby gate across it, perhaps six inches off of the ground. Cats can crawl under just about anything. She can put the cat's food up on a counter, same with the water. There's no reason why the cat can't jump up there. A lot of people do this on their bathroom counter. Tough shit if her books are getting destroyed. She should have thought about what would fit in her room and planned accordingly. That living-room is public space for the three of you and she can suck it up and move it into her room and keep the door shut or baby gated, or she can get rid of it. You could get another taller book shelf and keep her books high up where the baby can't reach them and put books for the baby on the lower shelves. 4. Putting the squeeky shoes or a bell on her will be no good because, although you will be able to here where she is you will constantly be telling her "no" and "stop" which is terrible for her self-esteme and emotional and cognative development. Screw your room-mate's cat. Good lord. Children must be free to explore within reason. She can't live in a cage or in an environment where she always feels uncertain and ashamed because there is far too much that she can't touch or go near. Also, you can't cook, clean, do home work or whatever it is you do. You can't have a life if you can't ever just put your daughter down to play and explore with out always having to have a hand or an ear on her. I would say, make your friend get rid of the cat through some legal action, which you could certainly do, however, as I said, someone like that is not someone you want around your daughter, period, end of story. 5. I really hope you don't throw away the gates. You could use them in another apartment or in another living situation, or you could donate them to a women's shelter or a church nursery, etc. 6. It sounds as if your friend and I use the term only loosely here, is a spoiled, unrealistic baby, if she is more concerned with the well-being of her cat then with that of your child. Get legal counsil and find a way to break your lease. I think you might just be able to leave, move out and leave her with the responsibility of either paying your share of the rent or finding herself another room-mate. If she can't afford it, can't find another room-mate or is too lazy to do so, then it is on her to take you to court, and if she does, you will not lose. Get proper proof and documentation ahead of time though, such as letters and or phone messages, text messages, emails or messinger conversations between you and her, showing that you are respectfully and assertively explaining your child's safety needs, so that in a court of law all will clearly be able to see how selfish and how utterly ridiculous she is being. Good luck with all of this, and please, get your poor little girl out of this terrible living situation.
Hear hear! Very well-said.
Hi all, and thanks for the advice. I will have to be careful about leaving though, because if she cannot afford the rent, it will ruin our cosigners and my and her credit. Also, talking to the landlord is hard because the office staff are not nice at all anyway. I may just seek legal council about what to do though. I never thought about doing that before. I also got our other friend to talk to her about all of this because she did not listen to me, and she still insisted that there was no other way to put the things in her room or put the gates up or anything and that the only way things would fit and work is if they stay the way they are. She did finally put the big antique lamp in her room after I almost knocked it over with the vacuum cleaner accidentally, because I am totally blind, so I cannot see where it is and the vacuum disorients me sometimes with the noise when I am running it. So one thing is out of the way, but I still can't get her to do the gates, and all of the gates you put in the air need screwing, and that is why I bought the gates that I did because I rent and will be charged for leaving holes in the walls. I tried to find gates that were meant for kids in a home with pets but could not find anything.
Anyway, thanks for everyone's suggestions!
Misty
hey, how is everything going? tell her she needs to maybe turn her bed around or something? maybe she can like make the living room her room and then u can have the other room if it is bigger??
Hi. Well, it is a 2 bedroom apartment, so we each have our own room. We each have our own room and we have the TV and stuff out in the living room, and her bookshelf and cat litter pan are in the dining room area, which is connected to the living room, although it is very small to be a dining area.
misty, why cant the cat jump over the gates? i know my cat is rather young still, but can jump from the floor to the top of a dresser where his food is. it's at least 4 foot high. it may take longer than 15 minutes for the cat to figure out how to get over the gate, but unless it's really old, i don't understand why it can't.
as for the litter tray, you could get one that has a lid on it, then turn it around backward so the opening is facing the wall. the cat will be able to get in, but the opening will kind of be out of sight out of mind type thing for your kid.
as for screwing the baby gates into the walls, you can buy things like putty to repair the holes when you are ready to move out. but i would work on using the gates you already have first. the cat needs more time to get used to them.
i agree! have her put the food and water up high. cat's jump, it's what they do, it's there nature.
your friend, sounds like a bitch, and i'd not have my kid livving in a situation like that. trust me that's why we had to get rid of our roomates, although our situation was do to body oader and them not cleaning.
just do what you feele you need to for you and your baby. only you know what that is. I don't agree with putting bells on your child. my friend did it one time to noah's shoes and it pissed me off. you know your baby better than anyone, and you and her have a bond, and she's the main thing here, not some stupid cat.
That's what I told her, that the cat can jump, but she still took the gates down when I was not looking because she said the cat was stressed and may get sick again (because of kidney failure that she had earlier this year), and that the gates were like putting the cat in prison. I don't know why, because she jumps on the dresser, but my roommate said that the cat doesn't know how to jump over things, only on things. I even had one of my friends try to talk her into the gates, but she said that there was nothing she could do because of the cat refusing to go over the gates. I am also thinking about moving, because I am having some issues about some people talking about how I raise my child, and the only person that could have told them first was my roommate, so I am trying to find cheap apartments so that I can move me and my daughter out on our own. If the rent is low enough, I may be able to manage both rents so that I don't ruin my cosigner's, my roommate's, or my credit if my roommate can't pay the rent after I move out. I heard about this company called Accessible Space that has a complex here, and it is mainly for disabled people and the rent is based on income, so maybe those would be an option. Has anyone here on the zone ever heard of this company, because they supposedly have complexes all over the U.S. including where I live? Does anyone have any reports, good or bad, about them?
Thanks.
Hi Misty,
I am sorry to read of your situation. We have baby gates in our home that are kinda taller. Even our 13 year old overweight cat can jump them with ease. But as someone else suggested you could put them a few inches off the ground, I am assuming the gates you have are the kind with the round grip things two on each side. Of course there is nothing you can do if she won't budge on the matter. But she can't expect a baby not to get into things. your roommate sounds persnickity. It sounds like she should have thought more about having a baby around because she does not seem like she can handle it. She's being unreasonable to not let you use the gates when they seem like the perfect solution for setting up boundaries between her things and the baby. Good luck!
if i was u, id move ASAP!!! um can u stay with family? friends? anywhere but there? she sounds like a BITCH yeah i spelled it in capital letters, thats right a BITCH!!!!! she needs 2 realize maybe your daughter feels sheltered? what the fuck!!! she just pist me off!! she needs 2 get a grip on shit!!
I've never heard of the specific company you mentioned, but I myself live in a place that's based on income. It's run by HUD. Mine is not the best, but I think that some are better than others. I'd look up the number of the nearest Center for Independent Living and ask them to give you the list of income-based places in your city.
Namaste,
Becky
Hi again. I looked into the apartments I mentioned before, but they will not let me in if I have another lease, because I would have to pay half of the rent here even if I moved out b/c of the credit issue and the cosigner. I guess the only options now are to find a friend to move in with or to just stay here until the lease is up and tell her to forget about me renewing it with her. There is a friend in Kentucky that may let me live with her, and she is really good with kids because she had three of her own. I am not sure though, because she has a lot of health problems, although she is always talking about how she loves babies being around, so maybe this will be an option.
Thanks,
Misty
I'm not sure if you've checked into this, but talk to your complex manager/land loard. Explain the problem...That your room mate and you are having trouble negotiating on certain major issues, and you need to know if there is any way to get released from your lease. I had to do this a few years back, and we managed to work it out with them, but not all will let you. It's a thought. :) And good luck. I know how difficult roommates can be for any reason.